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We plan to have a child through the Tulip International Fertility Center next year and are already reviewing the information in the sperm bank

At a warm gathering, my friends Zhang Ting and Li Yue shared this good news. They are partners who have been together for five years, and their eye contact is full of tacit understanding and love. I am genuinely happy for them, but as a legal advisor who has witnessed too many conflicts and disputes, I couldn't help but ask a potentially "disappointing" question softly:

Have you ever thought that some planning and agreements need to be made in advance regarding property and the legal status of children, especially in the case of cross-border assisted reproduction

As soon as the words fell, the atmosphere froze for a moment. Li Yue smiled with a hint of helplessness and said, "We've talked before, but I always feel like... talking about these things is like cursing ourselves that we will break up, and it feels complicated. I don't know where to start

The confusion of Zhang Ting and Li Yue is a microcosm of countless lesbian partners on the road to starting a family. We gather together for love, longing for a better future together, but often avoid discussing the real risks in our relationship.

However, true love is not blindly expecting eternal calm, but a clear understanding of the existence of storms, and then joining hands to build a stronger ship for each other. Planning for love is not about distrust of love, but about the highest level of romance and responsibility.

Step 1: Psychological Construction - Using reason as a foundation for emotion is the deepest love for adults

Any legal and financial planning must be based on a solid psychological consensus.

1. From "Talking about money hurts relationships" to "Talking about money stabilizes relationships":

Discussing finances openly and honestly is the key to building trust and a sense of security. Please try to think from a different perspective: the agreement you signed together is not a 'breakup plan', but a family risk management plan. It's like the insurance you purchased for your common home - you're not expecting it to catch fire, but rather to have a solid support to repair and regenerate in case of an accident, so that you won't be displaced.

2. Face up to the inequality of reproductive roles and plan compensation and balance in advance:

In the matter of childbirth, lesbian partners face a natural division of roles: one party (biological mother) needs to bear the huge physical losses and occupational risks of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc; And the other party (non biological mother) may contribute more in financial support and daily care.

Avoiding this objectively existing inequality will only sow the seeds of injustice and injustice for the future. Both parties must publicly acknowledge this and reach a core consensus: regardless of who provides the egg or experiences childbirth, the legal rights and emotional status of both parties as mothers of the child must be completely equal.

3. Put the interests of the child above everything else:

This is the core and original intention of all planning. When you decide to bring a child into this world, the responsibility towards them goes beyond your partnership. The ultimate goal of all planning is to answer one question: if our future relationship changes, how can we ensure that our children continue to have stable, sustained love, care, and financial support to the greatest extent possible?

Step 2: Legal Agreement - Use black and white text to solidify commitments into rights

We strongly recommend seeking advice from experienced lawyers in handling LGBTQ+family law.

A. Relationship Property Agreement:

This agreement is the "Articles of Association" of your "Family Limited Company", mainly stipulating the property and debts during the period of shared living.

Property definition: Clearly define what is pre relationship property (independently owned) and what is joint property (such as joint accounts, jointly purchased properties).

Debt assumption: an agreement on how to share the debts arising from shared living.

Termination of Relationship: Clearly stipulate how the joint property will be divided if the relationship ends.

B. Co Parenting Agreement:

This is a crucial document signed before the one-child policy.

Parental identity: It is explicitly stated that both parties become parents of the child based on mutual consent and have equal legal status.

Custody and guardianship: It is agreed to jointly have custody and decision-making power over the child. And provide detailed regulations on how to arrange the child's daily life, who has decision-making power on major matters, and the visitation time and method of the party who does not live with the child in case of a relationship breakdown.

Child support: Clearly stipulate how both parties will share the child support based on their income levels in the event of separation.

Real case: An agreement to avoid a 'child snatching' war

Background: Anna and Bella are a couple who have a son through collaborative IVF in the United States (Anna provides eggs, Bella becomes pregnant). They signed a detailed joint parenting agreement on the advice of their lawyer before giving birth.

Change: When the child was three years old, their relationship broke down and they decided to break up. Bella, as a biological mother, initially attempted to prevent Anna from visiting her child.

The Power of Law: Anna submitted the joint parenting agreement they had signed to the court. The judge used this agreement as the strongest evidence of the original intention of both parties to become parents during the trial, and ultimately ruled that Anna has equal custody and visitation rights with Bella.

Inspiration: This agreement became the strongest shield to protect Anna's rights as a mother and to protect the child from the love of two mothers in the event of a relationship breakdown.

Step 3: Financial Planning - Building a Transparent and Shared Economic Community

Establish a "joint+independent" account system:

Joint account: used for all joint expenses.

Independent account: Keep a personal account for personal consumption and savings.

Planning of common assets:

Property: If purchasing a property together, both parties' names must be registered on the property certificate, and the ownership shares must be clearly stated.

Will: Ensure that your property is left to your loved ones and children according to your wishes.

Life insurance: Designate the other party as the beneficiary.

Step 4: Scientific Birth Planning - Establishing Equal Parental Rights from the Source

This is particularly important for partners who choose to undergo assisted reproduction in overseas countries such as Kyrgyzstan.

Clear legal path selection:

At Tulip International Reproductive Center, our legal advisors will provide you with clear planning. For example, under the legal framework of Kyrgyzstan, the name of the entrusted parents can be registered on a child's birth certificate. We will guide you on how to prepare legal documents (such as Hague certification for relationship proof) to ensure that both parties' names can legally appear on the birth certificate at the time of the child's birth, establishing equal legal parental status from the source.

Properly handle sperm donor relationships:

Using an unknown donor from a sperm bank: This is the clearest and lowest risk option legally.

Using known donors: A rigorous written donation agreement drafted by a professional lawyer must be signed with the donor, clearly stating that they are only a "donor" and voluntarily waiving all rights and obligations as a father.

After that conversation, Zhang Ting and Li Yue finally contacted a professional family law lawyer. Last week, they told me that they had signed the relevant agreement and officially started the fertility process at the Tulip International Reproductive Center.

At the moment we signed, we not only didn't feel distant, but also felt an unprecedented sense of ease and closeness, "Li Yue said on the phone." It's like we finally put on a sturdy armor for our love and future home

This comprehensive plan is the most heartfelt confession you write to each other, and also the most precious gift you give to your future children.

For fertility consultation in Kyrgyzstan, please contact your dedicated consultant

/Fertility Consultation /

Dr.Chan

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